I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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