just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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