What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
