Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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