Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
