woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we're so committed to being not committed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
