I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
God, I missed his penis.
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