Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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