when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
