So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
