he told me I talked like a deaf person
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize