If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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