I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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