i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, beer. Big fan.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
