I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
