is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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