She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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