He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
