then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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