the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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