The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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