Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's blow job season.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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