I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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