Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
