So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
