Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
