My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
