I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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