I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
