Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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