my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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