Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
