if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
