it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
