no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize