Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
