After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
