3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
