just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
