wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
