I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
