Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize