A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
