the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
