My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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