i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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