...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
