I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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