I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was born a porn star she said
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize