I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
