Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
