I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
