I wish I could teleport
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
