I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
