12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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