so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
