need another drink. this is the easiest way
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize