Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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