I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
