So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
