SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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