I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize