You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
