They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
