Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
