And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't put those talents on a resume
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize