My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My life is pants optional.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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