Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
