just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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