I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
