she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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