I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize