I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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