Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
