Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
