so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize