i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
