the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sext me about skeletons
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
