I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
