I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize