SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
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