at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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