Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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