I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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