So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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