my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize