oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
