pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
