there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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