I skipped work to stalk him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
