the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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