Me too!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
