I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
