I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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